Stories from the YMCA locker room

i smoke cigarettes, very moderately, and i know quite a few smokers as well. very rarely do i detect that smoker smell on someone i know, it's pretty rare. the other night i went out for a cigarette, and when i came back inside, my girlfriend remarked that it was the first time that she remembered me smelling like smoke. that said, i think we all know this guy: smells like there's a strong chance that he has a burning cigar from 1846 inside of his coat. a major fan of cigars and standing extremely close to me/you. older gentleman. we know this guy, eh? so, last place i expected to see this guy? crammed next to me in the locker room at the Y.

Stories from the YMCA Locker Room

"Jimmy" - Westside Y, NYC
While dressing, and still partially nude, man comes by the row of lockers where I am. I recognize man and have been giving a courteous nod hello, mostly because when I first saw him walking around I thought he was veteran character actor Ray Wise. I'm dressing quickly as he gets on the scale.
"Well, i've lost 5 pounds"
me - "well congrats, pal. i've gained 5"
"oh, but you don't need to lose any weight. you. look. great."
he then chats me up about where i'm from & where i live. i somehow did not mention that i work(ed) at Sesame Street, which would've had Single White Female potential if i would've. given my habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, it's a miracle i didn't. anyway, he then says:
"here. let me give you my card. give me a call, i'll take you out to dinnah"
2 days pass, i walk into room with machines at the Y. he's on the first one, facing out towards the door. i walk to the farthest, most hidden machine in the room, and one that is facing a wall, and i have my iPod on & headphones in & volume UP. i'm using said machine when i feel a tap-tap-tap on my shoulder. i say:
"hey jimmy, what's up?
him - "oh, i was just thinking about you today...i went to the post office today, i went there because, because i had to get some stamps. i went there because i, i wanted to get some Love stamps, but then i thought of you, because i saw that they have Oklahoma stamps."
"great. i'll tell my friends back home"
him - "hey, when are we gonna get that dinner?"

Stories from the YMCA Locker Room

Park Slope Y
VERY Brooklyn dude walks up to me as i'm getting dressed and sitting in front of my locker. I put on my T-Shirt, which has a logo and the name of a band, The Deathray Davies. Dude checks out the shirt, says:
"Hey, what's your shirt mean?"
me - "oh, it's just some band"
"Oh yeah? Never heard of 'em"
me - "yeah, it's a friends band from Texas"
"Oh yeah? Still never heard of 'em"